God of Order

You hear things like “you’re lucky to be alive” or “what a tragic accident” or “that must have been traumatic” and in the moment they sound like such big statements... like statements that should be reserved for people who have gone through something unimaginable. But now those are statements being said to me, about me, about the accident. You don’t think those statements are ever going to be said about you or something you’ve gone through... until it happens.

They say that after experiencing a traumatic event your life has a very distinct “before” and “after.” So moving forward will be life “after the accident” and its going to be much different than life “before the accident.”

It’s hard to bring any thoughts to words. Its hard knowing people are grieving the loss of their loved ones while you’re still breathing. One minute you feel numb to the accident, and the next your back in the vehicle that is coming to an unanticipated halt. Sometimes you cry, and sometimes you yell, and other times you put a big grin on your face to look thankful for being spared in an accident where some people lost so much.

Saturday was supposed to be a girl’s day. Just my best friend and myself going up to a little town in the hills for a day of shopping and relaxation and spending some much needed time together. Little did we know that on the way home our lives would change forever and we would share memories that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

The beginning of the ride home was filled with plans for birthday shenanigans, upcoming vacations, and deciding what color we would paint our toenails before going on a beach trip. Not 48 hours later our discussions have shifted drastically...  now its discussing bruises, horrible memories of the wreck, and how thankful we are to be alive.

It is easy to be overwhelmed with fear when trying to move forward. Sometimes I feel like my mind has been a playground for Satan. He pulls out unwanted memories, and tries to plant deep fears in my life. At a moments notice, I can be overcome with unexplainable emotion with no real reason at all.

God is certainly still working through this mess. My friends and family member’s prayers are being heard and answered daily. I am alive and that alone is a testament of God’s faithfulness and protection over my life. I cannot help but feel God’s love in the midst of this tragedy and feel hope despite the pain. I have become fixed on a verse the past couple of days that has played in my head over and over. 1^st Corinthians 14:33 says this “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace”

How true is that statement? Everything under the sun is orchestrated perfectly by Him. His love is shown in every situation and He is always working for the good of those who love Him. Even though so much does not make sense in the moment.. it doesn't mean it won't make sense someday. 

Stop Strategizing

I live my life constantly strategizing my next move. Much like the ever-popular game "2048" requires, I like to stay a step ahead of the game. I find comfort in routine and reason. I often have a, "What could possibly happen next?" mindset that has resulted in me becoming a wonderer and a worrier. About a year ago, while I was in a prayer and worship service at my church, I was praying for clarity over a very unclear situation. In the midst of my desperate cry for an answer, God gave me a list that wouldn't make since until just now. Don't get me wrong, this is a list I often refer to, I pull it out on rainy days or in moments of uncertainty. I have no doubt that this is a list that, even though written months ago, was meant for this time, this situation, this moment.

I was facing so much doubt when God gave me the list I am about to share. Along with the list he laid on my heart that evening, I heard these simple words, "In times when you are unsure hold tight to what you are sure of." After writing that across the back of an offering card, I started a list that would forever change how I face doubt in any situation. These are the things I am sure of:

• I have a Heavenly Father
• Ephesians 4:6 says this, "One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
• God loves me
• Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
• God cares, even when I don't
• 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
• God knows what He is doing
• Instead of referring to a single verse here, I just want to talk a little bit about the dawn of creation. Multiple times throughout Genesis 1 it says "God said..." He didn't even have to lift a finger, God spoke and stars formed, trees rooted, and mankind breathed the first breath. That alone makes me think God is pretty good at what he does.
• He sent His Son for my sins, and so much more
• John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. I believe that that day on Calvary didn't only buy my sins. It bought my life, and every aspect of it. Anything I would ever be in need of was purchased that day when the ultimate sacrifice was given.
• God is everything I need
• Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
• God is here
• Jeremiah 23:23-24 “Am I only a God nearby,” declares the Lord,  “and not a God far away? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.
• I never leave his hands
• Isaiah 49:16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.
• I have nothing to worry about
• 
  
  Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
• Matthew 6:34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
• I am saved, forgiven, freed, and called.
• Romans 8:30The Message (MSG)^29-30 God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
• 
  Romans 8:30New International Version (NIV)
  ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What I Wish Someone Told Me Four Years Ago

Four years ago I was a senior in high school, terrified of what the coming months held for me. The unknown of the adult world created such a spirit of fear that encompassed every part of my life. This time exactly four years I had no idea where I was going to school, what I would major in in college, or what the next step was for me to take after graduation. Today, I am a senior-level biology major at Williams Baptist College. In four months I will graduate. Honestly, I’m not sure what the next step is after this. Even now, fear sets in sometimes. But now I rest in truths that I didn’t when I was in high school. Four years of growth later, and I know things now that I wish I had realized then.

• ·      Everyone is scared. Whether they admit it or not, they are. They all show it in different ways.
• ·      Figure out now who is worth getting upset over. Everyone in this world is going to hurt your feelings at some point. You need to figure out now who is worth getting upset over; those are the people worth fighting for.  
• ·      You’re about to lose friends you’ve had your entire life. After graduation, people you’ve seen five days a week since kindergarten will no longer be a part of your life and it will shock you. It will hurt, but in the long run it makes room for many new friends.
• ·      Just because you know God’s grace will cover you does not give you permission to sin. It is so fun to live the mentality that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, but don’t let that be the driving factor in making decisions that will wreck havoc later.
• ·      People will try to convince you that you have to decide now what you’re doing with your life. Those people are liars. You have time.
• ·      Just because your friends say something is cool does not make it true. Fall in love with things because they make your heart happy, not because your friends think they are interesting.
• ·      It is okay to spend Friday night with your family instead of going out with everyone else. Those memories will be ones that you cherish for a long time.
• ·      You will cry a lot more than you are prepared for. Emotions do NOT equal weakness. Tears of happiness, sadness, and fear will fall. Don’t apologize for them.
• ·      Don’t be fake. Stay true to who you are. Memories of trying to fit in are haunting, don’t waste your time.
• ·      Once your tassel turns friendship by proximity goes out the window. You will no longer be forced to pass familiar faces in the hallway or sit next to someone at lunch that has been one of your closest friends since third grade. You will be surprised how few people stick around once you leave the comfort of a classroom.
• ·      It is more than okay to ask for a minute. Step back, take a breath, and remember where you draw your strength from.
• ·      If God had given you a passion, don’t lose sight of it. It will be easy to let your dreams fall to the side while you are distracted by the real world rushing towards you. 
•     Everything is going to be so worth all the stress you feel now. 

xoxo

Happy Birthday!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I have much more to say than what will fit in a text message. So here ya go, Birthday Girl! 21 things I want you to know...

1. I love you! So crazy much. More than you could ever know.
2. I'm thankful Jesus made us friends. Who would have thought our first interaction in a camp office would lead to you being one of my closest, sweetest friends.
3. When we unknowingly added a new "spot" in the sanctuary when pointing out all our other "spots" to each other... that's one of my favorite memories on the A/G campgrounds
4. The very first birthday we spent together was your 19th. And we slept in the living room and watched Dirty Dancing. And I made you muffins. I don't think you know this, but it was that day that I knew we would be friends forever, not just camp friends.
5. Thank you for never letting me forget how to be a kid. From midnight juice boxes to dance parties in the upstairs gym... you continually bring out the kid in me.
6. All the mutual tears we shed while folding towels. We shared secrets, memories, and fears with each other. My my my, I'm glad we did.
7. That one time we got more enjoyment out of making Logan cupcakes for his birthday than he did, that's another fun memory.
8. You never left. Even when I had convinced myself in my head that I was undeserving of this friendship, you never ceased to assure me that you were always by my side. Wow, I can't thank you enough for that. It truly means more than you know.
9. So many cards. Sent back and forth between different cities. Somehow, handwritten cards from wherever you are to wherever I am make the distance seem so little.
10. You are such a great example to me. You make me want to be more like Jesus. You are fearless and faithful, and you inspire me to be the best me.
11. You keep my heart happy. You are a ray of positivity and you can always turn my bad days into better ones. Your smile and joy for life are contagious.
12. I think of you every time I hear RIDE ON KING JESUS, or WE ARE CHRIST AMBASSADORS  (I hope you sang both of those in your head)
13. When you asked me to be one of your bridesmaids, I was shocked and so so thankful. I'm so thankful to be a part of such a BIG day for you and Q! Getting to stand by your side is such an honor.
14. I love that we find fun ways to be rebellious. a.k.a. skinny dipping.
15. While I dont like always living apart, I do like that we never skip a beat. Even if it's been months since we've seen one another, we always pick up where we left off and embrace with a running jump hug.
16. This is a friendship of honesty. I never feel like I couldn't be honest with you. Even from the first moment we met, I never felt the need to hold back when I'm with you.
17. We pray for each other. I have never doubt you. When I ask you to pray, I know you do it.
18. When you ask for advice about awkward things that you can't ask anyone else, it always produces a combination of awkwardness and well, silliness. But I always answer the best I can.
19. We will be friends for the long haul. I have no doubt about it.
20. I can't wait to see what the years ahead hold for both of us and for our friendship. I'm guessing lots of jump hugs, advice, tears (of joy), road trips just to do lunch and catch up, and if I ever find a husband, you'll stand by my side one day too.
21. I guess sharing all these things adds up to one big HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I love you! Becoming friends with you was the fastest forming friendship, and the sweetest, most exciting, God ordained and precious memory I have at the A/G campgrounds.

Lauren

Lauren,
16 years. 192 months. 834 weeks. 5844 days. 140256 hours. 8415360 minutes.
That is how long your presence has Graced the Earth.
Happy 16th birthday, sissy. I love you.

For your birthday, along with your gift and countless posts that I will dedicate to you, I am giving you 16 pieces of advice.

1. Find something you are passionate about
For the love of all things good find something you love, something you can't live without. Once you find it, never give it up.

2. Fall in love with yourself.
Just love you. It doesn't matter how many guys want to get with you, or how many girls wish they were you. As long as you can look in the mirror and love what you see, your golden.

3. Dive into God's word.
Your faith is so important, and it is something you need to establish now. Chase God with all that you are. Spend time in His presence everyday. Talk to Him. Love Him. Read His Word. Make these things a priority.

4. Listen to your mother.
I know she has crazy rules. There are a lot of girls your age who need the rules your mother puts on you. You may not see it now, but your mother's strictness is something you will be grateful for later in life.

5. Think before you post
The internet is forever, and people do see what you post. I challenge you to think before hitting send, post, tweet, etc.. Decide what to keep personal. There are some things that your followers don't need to know. The repercussions of what you post will effect you and those around you.

6. Swallow your pride
It is okay to cry. It is okay that you don't have it all together. It is okay to admit that you need help. Don't keep things bottled up inside. Swallow your pride and speak up when you need something. Know that you always have someone to confide in.

7. Run from the corner
The corner used to be your safe place. You used to hide by the wall behind your pin straight bangs. That time has long passed. Step out of your comfort zone, and embrace the unfamiliar. It will turn out better than you think.

8. Turn off your phone
I know it sounds crazy. We live in a society that is driven by cell phones. Every once and while, just turn it off. Take a break from social media, texting, or your phone in general. Unplug from the cyber world and take some time for yourself. It's nice to get a break.

9. Be safe with boys
I wouldn't be me if I didn't at least try to warn you about boys. Even though I could write an entire blog post about that subject alone, I won't. The rules for how you behave around boys, and what you expect from them have to be set by you. So, with that being said, make rules. Write down those rules, and hold yourself to them.

10. It really will buff out
In the grand scheme of all things eternal, life really will buff out. Huge problems now will be miniscule later. Of all the problems you will face at 16, maybe 2 of them will matter later in life. Things hurt now, but I promise that everything really will work  itself out.

11. Never stop loving music.
You have such a God-given talent. Never let anyone convince you to throw it away. Keep singing, learn to play every instrument you desire to play, lead worship when you get the chance. Just don't lose your love for it.

12. Take time for yourself.
Bad days are going to happen and on those days treat yourself to something special. Take a bubble bath, buy a new mascara, go to sonic, read a book, dance around your room, think about Spencer Reid,  drive with the windows down and the music up, call your brother or sister, watch Tangled, do anything that will make you smile.

13. Keep your circle small.
It is way better to have a handful true friends, than a load of phony ones. Your true friends shouldn't care what you look like, or judge you when your hangery. They are the ones you can call at any hour, day or night. They are the ones who give you advice with your best interest at heart. Find those friends, keep them close. Those are the ones you fight for.

14. Enjoy the journey
Make the most out of the life you have. Enjoy fine arts practices, never take voice lessons for granted, have fun making fun of your teacher (you know the one), act like a 6 year old, and do more of what makes your heart happy. Smile every day.

15. Wear make up to enhance, not cover up
God made you into exactly who He wanted you to be! Don't waste time in the mornings covering up  the beauty God gave you. Wear makeup, just wear it properly. Don't use it as a mask to cover up what you don't like. Use it to enhance the beauty you already have.

16. Chase your dreams.
Simple and sweet. You know the call God has on your life. Don't compromise that for anything. With every fiber of your being, wake up and make your dreams a reality.

**Surprise! A bonus one, since you are turning 16 and will be getting your license today.
 DRIVE SAFE. The text can wait, don't fight with your sister while you drive, please don't speed, just be careful. I live too far away for anything bad to happen to you. So... just drive safe so that I have one less thing to worry about. Please and thank you.



For years I wanted a little sister. I prayed that I would have a mini me to dress up, someone that would follow me around. I wanted a little sister that I could play with and love on. But I didn't hold you when you were a baby, or dress you up when you were a toddler. I wasn't there to witness your first day of kindergarten and  I never got to see you try to walk in your mothers shoes as a toddler. I have never seen you play softball, or hold pom-poms. There is an awful lot of your life that I have missed out on.

On the other side of the spectrum, there is a lot that I have been a witness too. I have seen you come out of your shell. I lived through your awkward middle school years with you. We've been together on many, many trips. We have memories in your town and in mine, as well as Orlando, Louisville, and too many others to name. I have been with you when your parents have fought. I remember going to camps together, your first real boyfriend, watching you walk across the football field on homecoming court, your first breakup, and so many fine arts memories. I have watched you fall in love with acting and music. We have laughed together (at my mothers floppy hat) and we have cried together. But most of all, we have made enough memories in the few short years of knowing one another to last us a lifetime.

I can't say that I have known you your entire life, but I can say that you are the closest thing to a sister that I have ever had. As far as I am concerned, you are my sister. Though distance and age difference are great, we have too much in common not to consider each other family. I couldn't be more proud of the young lady God gave me to fulfill my silent childhood prayers for a little sister. Thank you for being my friend, my human dictionary, my mirror, my secret keeper, my shrink, my mini-me, my walking calculator, my truth-teller, my partner in crime, my support, my little, my shoulder to cry on, my sing along partner, and more than anything else my sister.

Happy Birthday! I love you, Sister. I hope you have the best SurmfDay you could ever imagine. Make this year count.


xoxo
-B