God of Order

You hear things like “you’re lucky to be alive” or “what a tragic accident” or “that must have been traumatic” and in the moment they sound like such big statements... like statements that should be reserved for people who have gone through something unimaginable. But now those are statements being said to me, about me, about the accident. You don’t think those statements are ever going to be said about you or something you’ve gone through... until it happens.

They say that after experiencing a traumatic event your life has a very distinct “before” and “after.” So moving forward will be life “after the accident” and its going to be much different than life “before the accident.”

It’s hard to bring any thoughts to words. Its hard knowing people are grieving the loss of their loved ones while you’re still breathing. One minute you feel numb to the accident, and the next your back in the vehicle that is coming to an unanticipated halt. Sometimes you cry, and sometimes you yell, and other times you put a big grin on your face to look thankful for being spared in an accident where some people lost so much.

Saturday was supposed to be a girl’s day. Just my best friend and myself going up to a little town in the hills for a day of shopping and relaxation and spending some much needed time together. Little did we know that on the way home our lives would change forever and we would share memories that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

The beginning of the ride home was filled with plans for birthday shenanigans, upcoming vacations, and deciding what color we would paint our toenails before going on a beach trip. Not 48 hours later our discussions have shifted drastically...  now its discussing bruises, horrible memories of the wreck, and how thankful we are to be alive.

It is easy to be overwhelmed with fear when trying to move forward. Sometimes I feel like my mind has been a playground for Satan. He pulls out unwanted memories, and tries to plant deep fears in my life. At a moments notice, I can be overcome with unexplainable emotion with no real reason at all.

God is certainly still working through this mess. My friends and family member’s prayers are being heard and answered daily. I am alive and that alone is a testament of God’s faithfulness and protection over my life. I cannot help but feel God’s love in the midst of this tragedy and feel hope despite the pain. I have become fixed on a verse the past couple of days that has played in my head over and over. 1^st Corinthians 14:33 says this “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace”

How true is that statement? Everything under the sun is orchestrated perfectly by Him. His love is shown in every situation and He is always working for the good of those who love Him. Even though so much does not make sense in the moment.. it doesn't mean it won't make sense someday. 

Stop Strategizing

I live my life constantly strategizing my next move. Much like the ever-popular game "2048" requires, I like to stay a step ahead of the game. I find comfort in routine and reason. I often have a, "What could possibly happen next?" mindset that has resulted in me becoming a wonderer and a worrier. About a year ago, while I was in a prayer and worship service at my church, I was praying for clarity over a very unclear situation. In the midst of my desperate cry for an answer, God gave me a list that wouldn't make since until just now. Don't get me wrong, this is a list I often refer to, I pull it out on rainy days or in moments of uncertainty. I have no doubt that this is a list that, even though written months ago, was meant for this time, this situation, this moment.

I was facing so much doubt when God gave me the list I am about to share. Along with the list he laid on my heart that evening, I heard these simple words, "In times when you are unsure hold tight to what you are sure of." After writing that across the back of an offering card, I started a list that would forever change how I face doubt in any situation. These are the things I am sure of:

• I have a Heavenly Father
• Ephesians 4:6 says this, "One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
• God loves me
• Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
• God cares, even when I don't
• 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
• God knows what He is doing
• Instead of referring to a single verse here, I just want to talk a little bit about the dawn of creation. Multiple times throughout Genesis 1 it says "God said..." He didn't even have to lift a finger, God spoke and stars formed, trees rooted, and mankind breathed the first breath. That alone makes me think God is pretty good at what he does.
• He sent His Son for my sins, and so much more
• John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. I believe that that day on Calvary didn't only buy my sins. It bought my life, and every aspect of it. Anything I would ever be in need of was purchased that day when the ultimate sacrifice was given.
• God is everything I need
• Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
• God is here
• Jeremiah 23:23-24 “Am I only a God nearby,” declares the Lord,  “and not a God far away? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.
• I never leave his hands
• Isaiah 49:16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.
• I have nothing to worry about
• 
  
  Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
• Matthew 6:34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
• I am saved, forgiven, freed, and called.
• Romans 8:30The Message (MSG)^29-30 God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
• 
  Romans 8:30New International Version (NIV)
  ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What I Wish Someone Told Me Four Years Ago

Four years ago I was a senior in high school, terrified of what the coming months held for me. The unknown of the adult world created such a spirit of fear that encompassed every part of my life. This time exactly four years I had no idea where I was going to school, what I would major in in college, or what the next step was for me to take after graduation. Today, I am a senior-level biology major at Williams Baptist College. In four months I will graduate. Honestly, I’m not sure what the next step is after this. Even now, fear sets in sometimes. But now I rest in truths that I didn’t when I was in high school. Four years of growth later, and I know things now that I wish I had realized then.

• ·      Everyone is scared. Whether they admit it or not, they are. They all show it in different ways.
• ·      Figure out now who is worth getting upset over. Everyone in this world is going to hurt your feelings at some point. You need to figure out now who is worth getting upset over; those are the people worth fighting for.  
• ·      You’re about to lose friends you’ve had your entire life. After graduation, people you’ve seen five days a week since kindergarten will no longer be a part of your life and it will shock you. It will hurt, but in the long run it makes room for many new friends.
• ·      Just because you know God’s grace will cover you does not give you permission to sin. It is so fun to live the mentality that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, but don’t let that be the driving factor in making decisions that will wreck havoc later.
• ·      People will try to convince you that you have to decide now what you’re doing with your life. Those people are liars. You have time.
• ·      Just because your friends say something is cool does not make it true. Fall in love with things because they make your heart happy, not because your friends think they are interesting.
• ·      It is okay to spend Friday night with your family instead of going out with everyone else. Those memories will be ones that you cherish for a long time.
• ·      You will cry a lot more than you are prepared for. Emotions do NOT equal weakness. Tears of happiness, sadness, and fear will fall. Don’t apologize for them.
• ·      Don’t be fake. Stay true to who you are. Memories of trying to fit in are haunting, don’t waste your time.
• ·      Once your tassel turns friendship by proximity goes out the window. You will no longer be forced to pass familiar faces in the hallway or sit next to someone at lunch that has been one of your closest friends since third grade. You will be surprised how few people stick around once you leave the comfort of a classroom.
• ·      It is more than okay to ask for a minute. Step back, take a breath, and remember where you draw your strength from.
• ·      If God had given you a passion, don’t lose sight of it. It will be easy to let your dreams fall to the side while you are distracted by the real world rushing towards you. 
•     Everything is going to be so worth all the stress you feel now. 

xoxo