God of Order

You hear things like “you’re lucky to be alive” or “what a tragic accident” or “that must have been traumatic” and in the moment they sound like such big statements... like statements that should be reserved for people who have gone through something unimaginable. But now those are statements being said to me, about me, about the accident. You don’t think those statements are ever going to be said about you or something you’ve gone through... until it happens.

They say that after experiencing a traumatic event your life has a very distinct “before” and “after.” So moving forward will be life “after the accident” and its going to be much different than life “before the accident.”

It’s hard to bring any thoughts to words. Its hard knowing people are grieving the loss of their loved ones while you’re still breathing. One minute you feel numb to the accident, and the next your back in the vehicle that is coming to an unanticipated halt. Sometimes you cry, and sometimes you yell, and other times you put a big grin on your face to look thankful for being spared in an accident where some people lost so much.

Saturday was supposed to be a girl’s day. Just my best friend and myself going up to a little town in the hills for a day of shopping and relaxation and spending some much needed time together. Little did we know that on the way home our lives would change forever and we would share memories that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

The beginning of the ride home was filled with plans for birthday shenanigans, upcoming vacations, and deciding what color we would paint our toenails before going on a beach trip. Not 48 hours later our discussions have shifted drastically...  now its discussing bruises, horrible memories of the wreck, and how thankful we are to be alive.

It is easy to be overwhelmed with fear when trying to move forward. Sometimes I feel like my mind has been a playground for Satan. He pulls out unwanted memories, and tries to plant deep fears in my life. At a moments notice, I can be overcome with unexplainable emotion with no real reason at all.

God is certainly still working through this mess. My friends and family member’s prayers are being heard and answered daily. I am alive and that alone is a testament of God’s faithfulness and protection over my life. I cannot help but feel God’s love in the midst of this tragedy and feel hope despite the pain. I have become fixed on a verse the past couple of days that has played in my head over and over. 1^st Corinthians 14:33 says this “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace”

How true is that statement? Everything under the sun is orchestrated perfectly by Him. His love is shown in every situation and He is always working for the good of those who love Him. Even though so much does not make sense in the moment.. it doesn't mean it won't make sense someday.