God of Order

You hear things like “you’re lucky to be alive” or “what a tragic accident” or “that must have been traumatic” and in the moment they sound like such big statements... like statements that should be reserved for people who have gone through something unimaginable. But now those are statements being said to me, about me, about the accident. You don’t think those statements are ever going to be said about you or something you’ve gone through... until it happens.

They say that after experiencing a traumatic event your life has a very distinct “before” and “after.” So moving forward will be life “after the accident” and its going to be much different than life “before the accident.”

It’s hard to bring any thoughts to words. Its hard knowing people are grieving the loss of their loved ones while you’re still breathing. One minute you feel numb to the accident, and the next your back in the vehicle that is coming to an unanticipated halt. Sometimes you cry, and sometimes you yell, and other times you put a big grin on your face to look thankful for being spared in an accident where some people lost so much.

Saturday was supposed to be a girl’s day. Just my best friend and myself going up to a little town in the hills for a day of shopping and relaxation and spending some much needed time together. Little did we know that on the way home our lives would change forever and we would share memories that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

The beginning of the ride home was filled with plans for birthday shenanigans, upcoming vacations, and deciding what color we would paint our toenails before going on a beach trip. Not 48 hours later our discussions have shifted drastically...  now its discussing bruises, horrible memories of the wreck, and how thankful we are to be alive.

It is easy to be overwhelmed with fear when trying to move forward. Sometimes I feel like my mind has been a playground for Satan. He pulls out unwanted memories, and tries to plant deep fears in my life. At a moments notice, I can be overcome with unexplainable emotion with no real reason at all.

God is certainly still working through this mess. My friends and family member’s prayers are being heard and answered daily. I am alive and that alone is a testament of God’s faithfulness and protection over my life. I cannot help but feel God’s love in the midst of this tragedy and feel hope despite the pain. I have become fixed on a verse the past couple of days that has played in my head over and over. 1^st Corinthians 14:33 says this “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace”

How true is that statement? Everything under the sun is orchestrated perfectly by Him. His love is shown in every situation and He is always working for the good of those who love Him. Even though so much does not make sense in the moment.. it doesn't mean it won't make sense someday. 

Stop Strategizing

I live my life constantly strategizing my next move. Much like the ever-popular game "2048" requires, I like to stay a step ahead of the game. I find comfort in routine and reason. I often have a, "What could possibly happen next?" mindset that has resulted in me becoming a wonderer and a worrier. About a year ago, while I was in a prayer and worship service at my church, I was praying for clarity over a very unclear situation. In the midst of my desperate cry for an answer, God gave me a list that wouldn't make since until just now. Don't get me wrong, this is a list I often refer to, I pull it out on rainy days or in moments of uncertainty. I have no doubt that this is a list that, even though written months ago, was meant for this time, this situation, this moment.

I was facing so much doubt when God gave me the list I am about to share. Along with the list he laid on my heart that evening, I heard these simple words, "In times when you are unsure hold tight to what you are sure of." After writing that across the back of an offering card, I started a list that would forever change how I face doubt in any situation. These are the things I am sure of:

• I have a Heavenly Father
• Ephesians 4:6 says this, "One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
• God loves me
• Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
• God cares, even when I don't
• 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
• God knows what He is doing
• Instead of referring to a single verse here, I just want to talk a little bit about the dawn of creation. Multiple times throughout Genesis 1 it says "God said..." He didn't even have to lift a finger, God spoke and stars formed, trees rooted, and mankind breathed the first breath. That alone makes me think God is pretty good at what he does.
• He sent His Son for my sins, and so much more
• John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. I believe that that day on Calvary didn't only buy my sins. It bought my life, and every aspect of it. Anything I would ever be in need of was purchased that day when the ultimate sacrifice was given.
• God is everything I need
• Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
• God is here
• Jeremiah 23:23-24 “Am I only a God nearby,” declares the Lord,  “and not a God far away? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.
• I never leave his hands
• Isaiah 49:16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.
• I have nothing to worry about
• 
  
  Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
• Matthew 6:34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
• I am saved, forgiven, freed, and called.
• Romans 8:30The Message (MSG)^29-30 God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
• 
  Romans 8:30New International Version (NIV)
  ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.